Past The Point of No Return
by Rizto
Summary: Deidara is confused about his feelings, Sasori is trying to figure out if he has feelings. Will love ever happen? Eventual SasoDei, a collab piece between BomberBrat and The Tomo. Rated M for language and future Yaoi
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, I do not own Deidara and Sasori, if I did they would hump like bunnies. I do not own the lyrics; they belong to A Perfect Circle

AN: This will be my seventh fan fiction, and is collaboration between myself and The Tomo (I write Deidara's chapters she writes Sasori's) on an off note, if you get confused Dei-dei doesn't know that Sasori isn't human. Again, this will be on both the accounts of The Tomo and me.

**Past the Point of no Return**

Chapter 1- Confusion and Confessions

(_Threw you the obvious_

_And you flow with it on your back_

_A name in your recollection_

_Down among a million same)_

Deidara had been struggling to figure out how he felt about his red haired partner for as long as he could remember; now he was fully aware that he was in love. It had been quite the conundrum but he had figured it out, and now he was terrified. He had to tell Sasori, there was no question about it, if he didn't do it himself word would get back to the scorpion anyways, it always did. He wanted to be the one Sasori heard it from, not anyone else.

He clutched his head in frustration, what the fuck was he supposed to say? '_Oh good morning, Danna, by the way I'm in love with you'_. Yeah, that wouldn't get him stabbed or anything. He closed his eyes, laying back on the couch and sighing, he was never going to figure this out.

_(Difficult not to feel a little bit_

_Disappointed and passed over_

_When I look right through _

_See you naked but oblivious)_

He hadn't seen Deidara all day, which was unusual, and though he would never admit it, it worried him a bit, so Sasori decided it would be a good idea to make sure his partner was still alive.

Deidara opened his eyes slightly, squinting from the intense brightness of the artificial lighting, what he saw was the last person he wanted to be standing over him at this point.

"Brat, where have you been all day?"

"Here, Danna, why do you care?"

"I thought maybe you had died, then I would have to train a new partner, and I must say, Brat at this point that would just be a waste of my time."

Deidara rolled his eyes.

"I'm glad to see you were oh so concerned about me, un"

Sasori ignored the sassy remark, simply turning back around and walking away from Deidara. He never liked dealing with the blond when he was in these kinds of moods, sometimes he swore his partner had to be female.

This was going to be so much more difficult then Deidara had first thought. How the hell was he supposed to admit his love to a man who could care less weather he was alive or dead, who only ever seemed to give a shit about himself. Sasori had never shown Deidara even an once of compassion, not even a drop of understanding. How had he let himself fall in love with such a heartless human being, did the redhead even feel guilty for the way he treated the bomber on a daily basis? Did he even notice his pain, his anguish did he care? He cursed silently to himself, why did he put himself through this bullshit. Why when Sasori walked into the room did Deidara's heart skip a beat, why when the other touched him did he feel flushed and dizzy?

The scorpion would never return his affection, so why couldn't he just let go?

_(And you don't see me_

_But I threw you the obvious_

_Just to see if there's more_

_Behind the eyes of a fallen angel_

_Eyes of a tragedy)_

He had been laying on the couch all day and contemplating what he was going to do, what he was going to say, and what the possible outcomes of his situation could be. It wasn't like the worst thing that could happen would be rejection, in fact that was the least of his worries, it was more then possible he would end up dead.

He didn't understand what Sasori's problem was, it seemed like he wasn't even really human sometimes. No normal person could be so cold, so remorseless. The redhead intrigued him, fascinated him, he had always seen the other as a superior as a teacher, and somehow, without he himself realizing it, that feeling had turned to love.

_(Here I am _

_Expecting just a little bit too much_

_From the wounded_

_But I see_

_See through it all_

_See through _

_And see you)_

He got up from the couch momentarily to get himself something to drink. Sitting back down he took a small sip of the tea he had just made himself, closing his eyes as the warm liquid rolled down his throat. He had to do this, he had to be strong he couldn't back down, finishing the rest of his tea he got up from the couch and making his way down the hallway to Sasori's room. Clearing his mind, repeating the same phrase over and over to himself.

'_Just breathe Deidara, just breathe...He's just a person, just like you…just breathe'_

_(Cuz I threw you the obvious_

_Just to see what occurs behind_

_The eyes of a fallen angel_

_Eyes of a tragedy_

_Oh well)_

He knocked on the door lightly, his hands shaking nervously he knees feeling week. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, knocking again, a little harder. He was startled when the door was flung open violently, his Danna on the other side, looking rather unhappy.

"I heard you the first time, Brat"

"Oh….sorry Danna, I just wanted to talk about something, I didn't mean to disturb you"

The scorpion shook his head sighing

"You always mean to disturb me" He threw the blond a dirty look before walking back into his room, and sitting back at his workbench leaving the other man standing at the door confused.

"Well, you wanted to talk to me Brat, get your ass in here and talk"

Deidara took a deep breath walking into the redhead's room cautiously, moving to stand in front of the shorter man.

He inhaled sharply, opening his mouth to speak before being cut off by Sasori.

"Don't waste my time like this if you aren't going to say anything Brat"

"I was..."

"Just get out, I'm busy"

"But, Danna!"

"I SAID OUT!"

The scorpion moved quickly, grabbing the other man by his wrist and dragging him to the door, shoving him harshly. The bomber quickly grasped the doorframe, turning and looking the older man straight in the eyes, he wasn't going to back down now, it had taken him all day to muster the courage to do this and damnit he was going to.

"Danna."

The redhead looked up at his blond partner with a questioning look on his face.

"I've been trying to think of a way to tell you this all day, and I couldn't, so I'm just going to say it. Danna, I love you"

The questioning look on the redheads face slowly dissipated melting to a look of utter disgust; he moved his hand to the blonds chest placing it down gently.

He looked up at Deidara, hatred obvious in his eyes.

"I didn't know whores could fall in love"

Using his hand that was on Deidara's chest, Sasori pushed him out of the room, closing the door and locking it behind him.

_(Oh well_

_Apparently nothing _

_Apparently nothing at all)_

Deidara made his way into his bedroom, shocked that he was still alive and breathing. More then anything he was hurt, how could Sasori say something like that?

He felt tear begin to well up in his eyes and he couldn't hold back anymore, he began to sob. He felt stupid, so stupid, what if his confession ruined their partnership? What if sir- leader decided that the Akatsuki didn't need people as weak as him, what if they made him partner up with someone else?

Closing his eyes and crying silently, he realized he would have preferred it if Sasori had just killed him.

_(You don't_

_You don't_

_See me)_


	2. The Meaning of Love

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of the characters

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of the characters. I don't own the music or lyrics.

AN: This is collaboration between The Tomo and BomberBrat (I write Sasori's chapters she writes Deidara's) on an off note, if you get confused Dei-dei doesn't know that Sasori isn't human. Again, this will be on both the accounts of Bomberbrat and me. It will also be on our joint account, Rizto.

Second Chapter by The Tomo

**Past the Point of no Return**

Chapter 2

Sasori gently placed down a new puppet he was working on. He sighed and sat cross-legged as he pondered. Not a soul had ever told Sasori that they loved him. Including his grandmother, he never said it to anyone. He didn't know what it was. He didn't know what it meant to love another person, or anything. He sighed once more as he ruffled his hair while he scratched his head.

The ginger decided he would try to assess the true meaning of love and what the blonde meant.

He didn't know how to react to such a word. What was so important about four letters, one syllable, two vowels and two consonants? It was just another idiotic word, which tried so desperately to cover so many of human emotions, and led itself into its own demise of overuse. That particular word was dead. It meant nothing because the humans used it for so many different things that it has become nothing. It's not special, it's dead. There is nothing to the meaning of love. It was pointless, and make-believe.

If that whore Deidara wanted to play some make-believe game so badly, he should have wasted someone else's time; not Sasori's.

Sasori cursed to himself as he flopped down on the floor. He put his arms up under the back of his head and stared up at the ceiling.

"Love," he said quietly.

'Damn,' he thought, 'I don't want to be part of such a conformist word to follow blindly in my sheep of ancestors. Love is despiteful. I don't want to be a part of such a dull community of lies and untruthfulness. Love is an excuse to hurt… to cause pain. I don't see the appeal in such a ridiculous ritual of self-sacrifice,' he thought as he traced images in the wood on his ceiling.

'_I've read more than a hundred books'_

Sasori walked to the foot of his bed and looked at the piles of books on his floor. He skimmed through the titles on the spines of the books until he found the book he wanted. He held up the dictionary and his lips thinned tightly. He didn't want to be so idiotic as to go to the dictionary for such a word as 'love'. He threw down the dictionary and took a couple steps back from it. He sighed and walked over to the door. He took a glance back at his bedroom before leaving.

Sasori stepped out into the main area of the base. He looked over to Kisame and Itachi talking.

"Itachi," he could hear Kisame say, "why do you love dango so damn much?"

Sasori blinked when Kisame had said 'love'. He watched as Itachi took a bite of his dango, ignoring Kisame.

'Love with food?' He thought. He shook his head and continued down the hall. 'That sounds ridiculous,' he told himself.

He stopped in front of Kakazu's room and could head him through the door saying, "Hmm, I need to find more bounties. I love money… Ku, ku, ku."

'Kakazu loves… money… What the hell is going on with this word?' He wondered as he turned back around and went for his room.

'_Seen love mentioned many thousand times  
But despite all the places I've looked'_

As he entered his room, Sasori glanced to the dictionary, which was still lying open on his floor. He shook his head and walked over to his working bench and sat down in front of it. He grabbed a couple of his tools and picked up a couple parts which were strewn over his work area. He sighed and tried to focus on what he was doing, rather than such a trivial concept.

_  
'It's still no clearer; it's just not enough'_

The more Sasori tried to put his mind to anything that wasn't love, the more he found himself becoming enraged. He threw an arm down onto the floor with a strong force. He growled and stood up hastily. He looked down at his work bench with fire in his eyes. His fists clenched as he bit his lower lip. 'Love, love, love,' he thought. 'Why can I not get this damned word out of my fucking head?!'

The red-head clenched his head in between his hands and dug his sharp fingernails into himself and began to pull at his hair as hard as he could. He cursed out loud and fell to his knees. His breathing became harder and uneven. He slowly let go of his hair and his arms fell back to his sides.

Honey eyes glared at the work bench through wild stands of ginger hair. His eyebrows drew down more as without any warning Sasori grabbed the ends of his work bench and flipped it over. Puppet parts crashed and scattered across the room as the bench pounded against the floor.

Sasori took a couple deep breaths as he slowly stood back up. He stared down at the mess as his door slowly creaked open.

"Danna?" Spoke the gentle voice of the blonde vixen.

The last possible thing on earth Sasori wanted to deal with right now was Deidara. He growled quietly and was forcing himself not to turn around to gaze at his partner. It would only confuse him more which was something he just couldn't handle right now.

"Go away, brat," Sasori responded. His voice was dark and dripping with annoyance.

"Danna, what happened?" Deidara asked as he took a couple steps into the room, looking at the hysteria. "Are you okay?"

Sasori whipped around and looked Deidara in the eyes. He glared sternly and was thinking of what he could possibly say. No words were coming out of his mouth, and the only word running through his head was 'love'.

"Get the fuck out."

_  
'I'm still no nearer; the meaning of love'_

Sasori watched as Deidara gained a sad look before turning around and leaving. The puppet-master huffed as he closed his door behind the blonde. He turned and leaned his back up against the door, looking around his room. He felt somewhat bad for being so rude to Deidara, but it didn't really matter. He was just so enraged by the ideal of love.

The ginger thought he could use some time out of the base, so he grabbed his sandals and put them on. He grabbed a notebook and pen, and then left the base.

As Sasori arrived to a small park, he saw many couples all cuddled together. He scowled, but decided to watch them all interact. He saw fondness, depression, anger, confusion, and many more worthless emotions. He watched as a girl slapped her companion in the face and raised an eyebrow. He opened his notebook and began to scribble some things down.

_  
'Noted down all my observations'_

Sasori looked down after a while to all the notes he took on couples and their actions. He sighed. 'This isn't helping at all,' he thought as he got up and walked away. He walked through the village and casually walked into a bookstore. He noted the stares he got because of his Akatsuki cloak, but paid no mind to it. He wandered off into the romance section, which made him cringe.

He picked one of the books and flipped it open. He skimmed through it, trying to find a vague explanation of love. He sighed from what the book what telling him.

"What the hell is love?" He asked aloud.

_  
'Spent an evening watching television  
Still I couldn't say with precision  
Know it's a feeling and it comes from above_

_But what's the meaning, the meaning of love?'_

Sasori threw the book down to the floor in anger and made his way out of the bookstore. He slowly found his way back to the base while still over thinking the meaning of love.

'_The meaning of love'_

Sasori got back to the base and silently made his way to his own room. As he walked in, he saw that his mess from earlier had been cleaned up. "Fucking brat," he cursed as he closed the door behind him.

He sat down on his bed and tossed his notebook down beside him. He stared down at his notebook, contemplating on if he should go through it or not.

He was so sick and tired of feeling like a slave to love. It only made him despise the emotion more. The only meaning of love he could think of was slavery and that didn't sound like anything he wanted in his life.

All he wanted was to live in peace.

He didn't need anybody; only his puppets.

And yet all he could think about was Deidara.

_  
'Tell me the meaning of love'_

Cautiously, Sasori grabbed his notebook and flipped it open to his notes on love. He carefully read through each sentence he wrote, trying to absorb it all. He wrote such a variety of things about every couple he saw, but the main thing that stuck out to him was all the pain that surrounded love.

_  
'From the notes that I've made so far  
Love seems something like wanting a scar'_

Why would anyone want to put themselves through so much emotional pain just to say they are loved? It made no sense to the scorpion. But he knew Deidara couldn't hurt him emotionally, so was it really so bad?

_  
'But I could be wrong, I'm just not sure you see'_

Sasori sighed and tossed his notebook back down to the bed. He laid down and put his arm over his closed eyes.

_  
'I've never been in love before'_

After a while, Sasori got up and left his room. He wandered out and saw Itachi and Kisame standing idly around, casually talking. He gathered a bit of courage, and then walked up to the two.

"Excuse me," Sasori interrupted. "I just wanted to ask something…"

Itachi and Kisame stopped talking and looked down to the ginger with expressionless faces.

_  
'Next I asked several friends of mine  
If they could spare a few minutes of their time'_

Sasori looked up to his fellow Akatsuki members and swallowed his pride. "What is the meaning of 'love'?" He asked quietly.

Kisame looked down to the puppet-master and began to laugh. Itachi showed a small smirk as he asked, "So the almighty Akasuna no Sasori is wondering if he is in love, hm? I thought you said emotions were meaningless and they had no hold over you?"

Sasori glared at the Uchiha and reared back his arm, ready to punch the weasel in the face. He held himself back and simply glared death into Itachi's now activated Sharingan eyes. He lowered his arm and calmly walked away back to his room.

_  
'Their look suggested that I'd lost my mind'  
_

When he entered his room his looked around. The open dictionary was taunting at him, trying to seduce him into reading the definition of 'love'. As much as he didn't want to degrade himself to that, he could feel his fingers twitching. He turned away from the book and walked to his bed and flopped down onto his back. He placed his hands beneath head and stared up at his ceiling; he swore he could see it moving.

'_Tell me the answer, my Lord high above'  
_

Sasori closed his eyes to ignore the moving patterns dancing across the ceiling. He wished he could forget what was said. He wished he didn't have to torture himself over a worthless emotion; He truly though himself to be better than that.

'_Tell me the meaning, the meaning of love_

_The meaning of love  
Tell me the meaning of love  
From the notes that I've made so far  
Love seems something like wanting a scar'_

"I give up," he muttered aloud as he readjusted himself to a seated position. He glared over to the dictionary before getting up and walking over to it. He bent down and grabbed it. As he straightened himself back up, he looked down to the book and skimmed quickly for love.

"_A __strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties_

_Attraction based on sexual desire affection and tenderness felt by lovers _

_Affection based on admiration, benevolence_

_A term of endearment__"_

'Tenderness? Affection? Endearment?' he questioned. Were these the kinds of things that Deidara felt for him? Sasori read over the words 'sexual desire' once more. Maybe the brat was just horny and confused. Sasori sighed as he closed the book and tossed it to the floor.

_  
'But I could be wrong, I'm just not sure you see'_

Sasori stared down at the book. He still didn't understand which kept him infuriated. He shot his leg out and kicked the book with sudden aggression.

"Fuck," he muttered.

_  
'I've never been in love before_

_Tell me the meaning of love'_

_(TBC)_

FINALLY! Hahaha. Yeah… Sorry for the wait… Lazy stoner….


End file.
